Okay before I start, let's get something straight. I love women. No, I luuuuuuuuuuuuurve women. I try my ass off everyday to be a lady-lover instead of being a nasty bitch.
"You don't have to hate men to love women."
-Said someone before me at some point in time.
I spent all of my teen years allowing myself to be a doormat for dudes. I had read my friend's Maxims and thought I had some "inside scoop" into how to be a "Cool Girl". I wanted guys to think of me as this easy-going, chill, fun, hot, badass chick who they would all surely fall in love with at the same time and come chasing after me like in a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie.
Think about those adjectives I just listed. Not one of them has anything to do with respect, or holding MYSELF in high esteem. All I cared about was making it "easy" for boys. Not BEING easy... but making it easy. I never wanted a guy to complain about me taking too long in the bathroom, or shelling out too much for dinner, or having to put in the extra effort to open my car door... I wanted dating me, or even loving me, to be easy-peasy.
Because that's what the magazines said men wanted.
And the magazines are ALWAYS RIGHT.
This is clearly someone a 14 year old should be taking life advice from.
Now I know I can't be the only girl out there who is guilty of this behavior. Who said things were "Okay" when they were really having a nuclear explosion bombing their heart. Who put it out there to all the dudes that it was fine if they weren't their priority. Who stuck around when they should have walked away. Who didn't DEMAND RESPECT through respecting themselves.
So how could I blame them? How could I call these guys jerks and say they didn't care about me? I was literally training these men to give as little of a shit about me as possible. I was my own worst enemy!
I was just as guilty of emotional immaturity as they were.
But they were the ones villainized for their behavior. Men tend to be. Even look at the way men are portrayed in sitcoms: the doofy, clueless husband who can NEVER seem to remember his anniversary!
I'm really only with you for your looks, Jim.
As I've "matured" (aaaahahaha) I've learned my lessons and finally around October of last year I realized something... Men don't want the "easy to get" girl. When in the history of time was a song written about falling in love with the girl that who was easy to get and did whatever a man wanted??
Well, maybe a few in Puritan times. Probably a lot in Puritan times, actually.
But other than that, what I found was that the women that these men were falling in love with and committing to and bending over backwards for were the women who weren't taking any shit. Who KNEW that they were worth the extra work. Who called men out on their crap. Who stood up for themselves and what they wanted. Who turned down last minute, thrown together invitations from guys because they had plans with their girls. Who stood by their men because their men stood by them. Who didn't falter. Who were strong ass, awesome dames. And wonderful girlfriends.
....They were really the "COOL GIRLS"!
THE MAGAZINES LIED TO ME!!!!!
Well, maybe a few in Puritan times. Probably a lot in Puritan times, actually.
But other than that, what I found was that the women that these men were falling in love with and committing to and bending over backwards for were the women who weren't taking any shit. Who KNEW that they were worth the extra work. Who called men out on their crap. Who stood up for themselves and what they wanted. Who turned down last minute, thrown together invitations from guys because they had plans with their girls. Who stood by their men because their men stood by them. Who didn't falter. Who were strong ass, awesome dames. And wonderful girlfriends.
....They were really the "COOL GIRLS"!
THE MAGAZINES LIED TO ME!!!!!
This is your brain on "Cosmo".
GOOD men want you to respect yourself. They really do. I haven't observed a whole lot of successful relationships that were born out of a woman doing whatever a man told her to do and always being treated as second banana. The relationships I've watched flourish in front of me were ones where there was a MUTUAL adoration between not only the two partners, but an adoration each had for themself.
I wish I could go back in time and talk to 17 year old me... (okay, or go back in time to like 16 months ago...)
I'd probably tell her:
- Any man who is after your heart and not just your lady bits will be okay with waiting.
- It's okay to demand more from someone.
- If a man has a problem "making the trip" to your place, and you're always going over to his. RUN.
- If you are a secret, you will always be a secret.
- A man who loves you will be chomping at the bit to show you off to his buddies.
- Say "no" when you need to say "no". You're not helping anyone by lying.
- There's a huge difference between being "one of the guys" and a "guy's girl"
- You should never have to force someone into loving you.
- When the right guy comes along, it'll happen easily. Because HE will want to make it easy just like you do.
Men are hunters. They are competitive. They are show offs. Innately. It's how God made 'em. It's why we love 'em. Why take away their thrill of the hunt? Don't "play hard to get"... don't "play" anything. Just be you. And if what he's offering isn't enough for you... leave. Simple. Weed out the ones that don't look good in your garden (analogy points!)
Take a breath. Stop downgrading yourself. Smile, be friendly, live your life for YOU and watch the men fall down at your feet.... Then help them up, make them a Maker's Mark Manhattan and enjoy a lovely evening together.
Men are wonderful. Men aren't the enemy. Cosmo is. And probably Denise Richards too, somehow.
Happy Relationship- Achieved.
LEARN FROM ME,
Lindsay
