The Wondrous World Of Not Being A Bitch

Bitch.

That's a loaded word, right?  It's one of those "we've taken it back!" words that is now totally overused.

I personally enjoy the word "bitch" most when spoken by Aaron Paul on "Breaking Bad".

If you've never seen Breaking Bad before, you can see here that it's a jaunty show about magnets.

Man, Aaron Paul is adorable.  But moving on...

I don't understand why so many women nowadays think it's empowering to call themselves "a tough bitch."  Isn't being a tough woman good enough?  

Why do we have to use this negative word? 

Is it because we are "taking it back"?  And what on Earth does that even mean?  Taking WHAT back?  No one owns the word "bitch".  No one stole it from someone else.  It's public domain people, it's free to be said by anyone.  You're not the Robin Hood of swear words cause you're using it.

Don't you dare lie to me and say you didn't have a crush on this guy when you were 10.

It seems to me that "taking back" a rude slur like BITCH (or other much more severe words) really means you are allowing those morons who used this word to insult you to win.  

It's laying down dead- feeling like it's easier to accept the word than to fight against the tireless throngs of chauvinists who are calling you a bitch just because you said you weren't interested in driving 45 minutes to their house at 11:00 pm on a Thursday to play beer pong.

Is that really what we want?  Do we wanna walk around designating ourselves as BITCHES just because we are tenacious, candid, decisive women?  

And isn't it way more fun to brainstorm a list of awesome adjectives to describe yourself like "tenacious" than to say, "I told Randy that I didn't have time to make his copies cause I was busy with my own work... I guess I'm just the office BITCH." 

Yes, people are nasty and will label you with this word because your decisions put their panties in a bunch.

Yes, a lot of the time it will be because they are simply uncomfortable with how strong-willed you are.

And yes, some of the time it will be because you are being an asshole.

I'm just being real, ladies.  We can be jerkweeds too.

Acceptance of the word can transform into acceptance of the behavior the word elicits.

It's hard out there for the ladies.  We all know that.  And if you're a dude and you think life's easier for us just because sometimes we get free drinks due to our big boobies... I'll trade you my big boobies for your bigger paycheck.  Still interested?  Didn't think so.  Sometimes it can feel like we have to wear a lot of armor in order to protect ourselves against the army of bullshit that charges at us everyday.  

No please, explain to me again how my HMO covers Viagra but not my birth control pills.  I'm listening.

That being said, I am a woman who once fell victim to "taking back" the word bitch and in turn, allowed myself to just flat out BECOME A BITCH.  OH man... was I ever a bitch!  (It had a lot to due with my short lived stint of being a MySpace girl.)  I thought I was being strong... I wasn't.  I wasn't being honest, diligent and direct... I was being sarcastic, bitter and cold.  I picked fights and rolled my eyes at every chance I got.  I blew off my guy friends who had always treated me with respect because I didn't want to be 'sleeping with the enemy'.  I made myself as hard as I possibly could.  

...And I hurt a lot of people's feelings.  People who didn't deserve it.  All in the pursuit of "taking back bitch"... of trying to prove how TOUGH I was.

As time went on and I grew and life took it's punches at me, I learned... you don't have to be a bitch to prove that you're strong.  On the contrary, the times I felt the strongest and gained the most respect from others were when I mustered up all the humility I had inside of me and told someone that I was wrong, or kept myself level-headed and patient when I was incredibly upset.  

You wanna REALLY freak out a man? Admit that you were wrong when you were wrong.  

HOLY shit they look at you like you just made your reveal on an episode of THE SWAN!  

Sorry for reminding you about this.

It feels delicious to free yourself of pride and to take your armor off.  Armor weighs a freakin' TON, man... who wants to be walking around town wearing that shit?  Let it go!  You don't need it!  ...Why?

Because you are already strong without it.  

You survive as a woman in a world where being born a girl instantly puts you at a social disadvantage.  

You have menstrual cramps every month.  

You put up with assholes in college grabbing your ass.  

You hold your head high through your middle school awkward phase.  

You hug your boyfriend when he cries.  

You take care of your parents. 

You push another human being out of your vagina.  

You run a marathon.

You work hard to get a college degree.

You stand up for your children.  

You get your bikini line waxed.  

You balance your bank account.  

You get promoted.  

You speak your mind.  

You say "no".

You vote for whoever the hell you want to vote for.

You give to people who need help.  

You mow your own lawn.  

You drive the moving truck.  

You run six blocks to catch a bus in four inch heels. 

You are nurturers while being bread winners. 

 Be confident in knowing that you are a strong willed, hard working, loving, mature human being. 

That is enough.  

YOU are enough. 

So let's all challenge ourselves to let go of the word BITCH for a while and see how it makes us feel?  

I bet we feel better!

If not, feel free to come back and bitch at me.

This was at our "middle school" costume party back at college.  I went as a middle school bitch circa 1996.  Nailed it.

LEARN FROM ME,

Lindsay

Men get a bad rap, man...

There's a good chance I'm about to piss a lot of girls off with this.

Okay before I start, let's get something straight.  I love women.  No, I luuuuuuuuuuuuurve women.  I try my ass off everyday to be a lady-lover instead of being a nasty bitch.

"You don't have to hate men to love women."  
-Said someone before me at some point in time.

I spent all of my teen years allowing myself to be a doormat for dudes.  I had read my friend's Maxims and thought I had some "inside scoop" into how to be a "Cool Girl".  I wanted guys to think of me as this easy-going, chill, fun, hot, badass chick who they would all surely fall in love with at the same time and come chasing after me like in a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie.

Think about those adjectives I just listed.  Not one of them has anything to do with respect, or holding MYSELF in high esteem.  All I cared about was making it "easy" for boys.  Not BEING easy... but making it easy.  I never wanted a guy to complain about me taking too long in the bathroom, or shelling out too much for dinner, or having to put in the extra effort to open my car door... I wanted dating me, or even loving me, to be easy-peasy.
Because that's what the magazines said men wanted.
And the magazines are ALWAYS RIGHT.

This is clearly someone a 14 year old should be taking life advice from.

Now I know I can't be the only girl out there who is guilty of this behavior.  Who said things were "Okay" when they were really having a nuclear explosion bombing their heart.  Who put it out there to all the dudes that it was fine if they weren't their priority.  Who stuck around when they should have walked away.  Who didn't DEMAND RESPECT through respecting themselves.  

So how could I blame them?  How could I call these guys jerks and say they didn't care about me?  I was literally training these men to give as little of a shit about me as possible.  I was my own worst enemy!

I was just as guilty of emotional immaturity as they were.

But they were the ones villainized for their behavior.  Men tend to be.  Even look at the way men are portrayed in sitcoms: the doofy, clueless husband who can NEVER seem to remember his anniversary!

I'm really only with you for your looks, Jim.

As I've "matured" (aaaahahaha) I've learned my lessons and finally around October of last year I realized something... Men don't want the "easy to get" girl.  When in the history of time was a song written about falling in love with the girl that who was easy to get and did whatever a man wanted??

Well, maybe a few in Puritan times.  Probably a lot in Puritan times, actually.

But other than that, what I found was that the women that these men were falling in love with and committing to and bending over backwards for were the women who weren't taking any shit.  Who KNEW that they were worth the extra work.  Who called men out on their crap.  Who stood up for themselves and what they wanted.  Who turned down last minute, thrown together invitations from guys because they had plans with their girls.  Who stood by their men because their men stood by them.  Who didn't falter.  Who were strong ass, awesome dames.  And wonderful girlfriends.

....They were really the "COOL GIRLS"!  

THE MAGAZINES LIED TO ME!!!!!

This is your brain on "Cosmo".

GOOD men want you to respect yourself.  They really do.  I haven't observed a whole lot of successful relationships that were born out of a woman doing whatever a man told her to do and always being treated as second banana.  The relationships I've watched flourish in front of me were ones where there was a MUTUAL adoration between not only the two partners, but an adoration each had for themself.  

I wish I could go back in time and talk to 17 year old me... (okay, or go back in time to like 16 months ago...)  

I'd probably tell her:

• Any man who is after your heart and not just your lady bits will be okay with waiting.
• It's okay to demand more from someone.  
• If a man has a problem "making the trip" to your place, and you're always going over to his.  RUN.
• If you are a secret, you will always be a secret.
• A man who loves you will be chomping at the bit to show you off to his buddies.
• Say "no" when you need to say "no".  You're not helping anyone by lying.
• There's a huge difference between being "one of the guys" and a "guy's girl"
• You should never have to force someone into loving you.
• When the right guy comes along, it'll happen easily.  Because HE will want to make it easy just like you do.

Men are hunters.  They are competitive.  They are show offs.  Innately.  It's how God made 'em.  It's why we love 'em.  Why take away their thrill of the hunt?  Don't "play hard to get"... don't "play" anything.  Just be you.  And if what he's offering isn't enough for you... leave.  Simple.  Weed out the ones that don't look good in your garden (analogy points!)

Take a breath.  Stop downgrading yourself.  Smile, be friendly, live your life for YOU and watch the men fall down at your feet.... Then help them up, make them a Maker's Mark Manhattan and enjoy a lovely evening together.

Men are wonderful.  Men aren't the enemy.  Cosmo is.  And probably Denise Richards too, somehow.

Happy Relationship- Achieved.  

LEARN FROM ME,

Lindsay