I would like to take the opportunity to state loud and proud my personal opinion on each of these cities.
Because I am opinionated.
And I am loud.
And I get tired of people putting their hands in my face and dismissing me just because they disagree with my opinion. This way, if you hate what I think about your city (which, keep in mind, was also my city for a time) you can just flame me on Facebook or something!
Deal?... Deal.
First stop...
PITTSBURGH, PA
I lived in Pittsburgh for four years during college, where I went to Point Park University to get my BFA in Musical Theater. I left for a few months after graduation to sublet in New York, but found myself back in Pittsburgh with my ex-boyfriend for another year soon after.
TOTAL YEARS LIVED IN PITTSBURGH: 5 & change
HOMES IN PITTSBURGH: 4, including my dorm.
Why is Ben Roethlisberger so violent when he lives in such a beautiful place?
PITTSBURGH IS A MAGICAL PLACE
Scoff at this if you've never been there, but this city has charisma. Stay with me, on this...
I moved here straight from Seattle, and the first time I saw downtown I burst into tears.
It was so ugly.
I was used to huge, sparkling skyscrapers and a view of the mountains! This was.... dirty. I remember the first time I smelled those hair oils that were sold on card tables on the sidewalks... I thought they were drugs.
Not kidding. I was young.
But as time went on I learned how truly ethereal this city could be. It is a major city that is run by students. The area of Oakland, where most of the college kids live is simply electric.
Now, something you have to understand about Oakland is that most of the housing in the area should be condemned, or has been condemned but the people living there couldn't care less if their ceiling caves in on them cause they only pay $350 in rent. Think about this... Carnegie Mellon kids who are paying $150,000 for their degree in architecture are just chilling on these decrepit stoops, alongside the low-income families and gangbangers, drinking stale Lionshead out of red Solo cups. Everyone has a little bit of a biting edge to them- even the "woo-hoo!" girls in their jean mini-skirts and sequined, pink, babydoll cut Steelers shirts seem like they are fully capable of punching a cop in the face.
The whole area smells like deli meat, sweat, gasoline, one night stands, and beer. And I'm not saying that's a bad thing.
I once watched a guy I took acting class with rip a GNC marquis off a building during a Steelers Superbowl riot IN FRONT OF COPS IN RIOT GEAR (imagine what would happen if the Pirates did anything worthwhile.) I watched my coworkers start a rebellion against our 60 year old manager of Primanti Brothers because he called me a bitch, while the UPMC doctors on their lunch break cheered us on and ate their overstuffed sandwiches, "Fuck authority! We'll burn this place to the ground with you guys!" This is a very honest, proud and tough city. And it will make you tougher. It will slap you on the back of the head and tell you to stop being such a fancypants- go out there and get your hands dirty!
CITY OF BRIDGES AND WATER BUGS
Oh my God, have you ever seen a water bug?
Have you ever seen LOTS of them IN YOUR APARTMENT YOU JUST MOVED INTO?
Nightmareland!
See, the downfall of having students run rampant in your city is that it slowly starts to turn your city into a toilet. It's simple arithmetic, really.
Pittsburgh can be pretty rough.
The streets are cracked and eroded, the drivers are terrifyingly aggressive, the police have had-it-up-to-here with your nonsense, there is a surprisingly active gang scene, the weather pushes your body to the limits and there are bugs everywhere. There seems to be no rush to spruce up Oakland whatsoever... and these buildings are falling apart at the seams. However, the slumlords keep signing leases to unsuspecting Freshmen while their parents look on, horrified.
"How slummy IS IT?!"
Our apartment's front door fell off it's hinges. Like, just gave up one day and fell off it's hinges! And I don't blame it... it was probably 110 years old! But that's how run-down these buildings are- the landlords couldn't care less and you convince yourself you don't either... that it's all part of this magical Pittsburgh experience.
We had a funeral for our door. As you can see, I wore my nicest outfit.
People who love Pittsburgh really love Pittsburgh. It's very admirable. And there's something to be said about a city that hasn't changed much since the 1970s. When Allegheny County Chief Executive Dan Onorato placed a 10% tax on poured liquor in order to raise money for Public Transit, bars throughout Pittsburgh revolted and listed this tax as THE ONORATO TAX on receipts, as well as posting threatening signs in their windows.
$3.83?! How will I feed my children?!
Pittsburgh is like your accidentally-racist Grandpa who wears a "Who Farted?" hat, and smokes through his stoma.
But then again...wasn't that always the Grandpa that gave you a taste of his beer when you were a kid? And dammit, even though he might get you kicked out of Applebees, you can't help but loving the old, stinky curmudgeon.
That's Pittsburgh.
We made snowballs out of the dirty snow from the filthy streets of the projects, then we poured bottom-shelf Peach Schaaps on them, then we ate them.
This is also known as one of the best nights of my life.
LEARN FROM ME,
Lindsay
